In A Nutshell

As an ambitious 25 year old still figuring out parenting and my roll in the adult life I'm determined to get the most out of myself. Right now my main personal values are Challenge, Curiosity, Self-respect, and Belonging.

Every person has an inner voice telling them what they need, it says "wake up now" in the morning it says "don't eat that" when we're full. Growing up means learning that nobody can be that voice for you. You have to learn to hear it, and find the strength to listen over every other voice calling for your attention and telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing.

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

The Masterful Mess Of It All, When Is It Going To Come Together Already?

Truth is my life has felt much more like a master mess than a masterpiece lately. In October I left my husband with our two daughters and moved nine hours away to live near my Aunt and Uncle a while, 420 square feet, me, toddler & baby, oh boy.

Rewind five years, I'm surveying the wreckage of my freshly burned down family home and kids summer camp "The River" and feel compelled to scribble down those sorts of scribbles you know need to be written to find their expression in your heart.

August 2009
"So many memories I hardly know where to begin. The foundation we lay yesterday, the grounds we cultivated and subdued have today been taken over by creepers and overgrown with wild flowers. To you it is a pile of rubble, metal, and useless things, a nuisance. To me it is the graveyard of my home.

Where the campers slept, where they played, where they ate is occupied by ants, spiders, and centipedes. The rubble that has given birth to grass and weeds. Hours of frustration, weeks of work, years of planning and years to come of hope for future endeavors, this chalkboard was wiped clean that day, it's back to the drawing board now.

My old journals are gone, but I have new ones, a year and a half of new ones. I'm no longer dating Wade, I married him three months ago. Thinking about it, with all that has changed and disapeared, in it all I'm so glad Wade and I came through. 

"The River" chapter of my life is over, but the Wade chapter has just begun"

I went to school the day after the fire and realized, life continues. Another chapter closes, a new one begins. I'm now renting in a nice little house from my Uncle that has just been freshly renovated, have been accepted into a University are program to get a BA in fine art, My oldest is enrolled in preschool and the littlest at daycare so I have a few precious months left in which to spend at ease with loads of time in the day for my babes. 

Photograph by

Sunday, 25 May 2014

Making Sense Of The Mess In My Head: The 6 Month Planning Tool For Everything

To make life easier in so many ways I created this planning tool for myself I've used it to plan out 4 different projects already! let me know how it works for you and if you liked it.

On the 20th I began the first day of a 6 month plan I sketched together in my notebook, look there at that hi level of resolve, whew impressive! But it doesn't take long for it to start tanking, and as it goes down, my stress goes up until there is only stress, stress, and more stress in the foreseeable future.

Today is day 5, and as you can see, it was a very stressful day, actually I drew that graph this morning, predicting it would be a stressful day, which was a gross underestimation actually, it has been a long time since I have had such an awful day and many future stressful days to come if I don't do something about it, so, I'm going to do something.

This evening I express, my stress was OFF THE CHART. How am I going to get control of this spiraling disaster? What will I do tomorrow to change the for-cast? I'm going to take a holistic approach I planned out. Also, I'll call on all the resources I have for help. I live 9 hours from my parents raising two daughters alone but I have good friends and some relatives I'm going to call on to help me.

Here it is, the holistic 6 month plan to reduce stress and achieve my fitness goals. If I can stick to this my stress will remain manageable, my kids will know what's happening with their day and not to mention their mom ("what's wrong with mom") I'll start building an emergency buffer for my bills and some savings and I will finally fit all my amazing glorious clothes that I miss so much, all in six months. 

Planning Tools For You:

I love using this 6 month chart for all sorts of plans, here's a free printable for you of a blank planning table there's also a printer friendly version:

Thursday, 22 May 2014

More Veggies Should Be Enough Right? But Less Coffee... Not So Much

160.9 lbs
4.5 lbs down in 2 days juicing
I must confess, on my juice fast, I had a burger and a half last night. I was starting to feel a flu coming on I'm just so done with being sick and I think the energy being rapidly depleted from my fat cells is releasing to much toxins into my body for my immune system to handle... yes, we'll go with that. Anyway the burgers where amazingly delicious and I regretted it only a little, but then realized, it's my plan and burgers can be part of the transition into it if that's how I decide for it to be.
I consumed 5 fresh juices today as well as some various foods that weren’t particularly healthy, okay, they where cookies and ice cream if you must know. This isn't easy at all and I congratulate myself for the amount that I am managing and for my honesty. To me, food shame is a vicious cycle, I eat public and proud if I'm gonna eat three pieces of cake, and five cookies I will do it right in front of you. I enjoy food and I'd rather have my pleasure with company than alone.
By the end of this I plan to be consuming less meat products by finding some vegetarian entrees I enjoy and be selective about the quality of meat I buy, be eating fruit with every breakfast and vegetables with my other meals (french fries anyone? I'm kidding)
I don't plan on kicking my caffeine any time soon. I have a love affair with coffee and have enjoyed a nice brew every Sunday since I was 6 and running wild on the mountain sides of Paupua New Guinea. My parents allowed me half a cup every Sunday at church. Our neighbors grew coffee plants and I occasionally picked off the beans and sucked the sweet outer shell off, the non-roasted inner part is not what I would consider edible though.

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Taming Inflamation With Juice Has An Awesome 1 Day Effect On The Tummy


4 lbs
1 Day juice fast

Despite the awesome 4 lbs after 1 day on the plan... it's been a very difficult day. It was Timbits, those evil little nuggets of doughnut pleasure. I brought a box of them into the house this morning to host a friend and give to the kids. They lingered around the house all day, when I came downstairs after putting Wesley for a nap they greeted me on the dining room table, the sugar was glistening on their surface. I chugged some water, it was all I could do to stave off the craving.

When I look at foods like Timbits, burgers, or perogi, this rationalization goes through my head 

“Well if I eat just a bit today it won't be so bad” 

“yes but you know once you start it won't be just a little bit, you'll throw up your hands and make a day of it” my counter-voice pitches in 

“If I eat doughnuts today and have a great old time eating junk food, I'll just start my plan tomorrow” 

“You already said that three day's ago, today is the day. Look your already into it 1 day, have posted pictures on Instagram and told the world your going to do this, besides, your going to visit your family in 3 weeks and wanted to have made progress by then if you keep pushing it back you'll have nothing to show for it.”

And that's how I talked myself through it, yay counter-voice your a winner... this time.

When I looked up to scan the room, I noticed in the last 20 minutes my 1 year old has trashed the dining room, this is the part where I throw up my hands and consume consolation treats. But not today! It's what, 5 minutes of work to put it back together, get a grip Meghan don't be so dramatic.

I'm making burgers for the girls supper this evening and consuming a lovely garden variety green juice myself... wish me luck!

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

12 lbs in 2 Months... My Life Is In Shambles


Today is the day, this is the time I'm going to win this private victory in my home. I've broken it down into a three month plan. It seems like everything in my life has been slipping. I've been drifting and not all there. I've let them all drop

I've let them all drop, health, ambition, achievement, my dreams and goals I set out to do, a dark patch is gripping my unsinkable spirit. I set out a list of goals for myself and I will now recommit myself to them by creating and insisting on blog post accountability to keep me on target.

Also, I took all of my goals and broke them down into a graph to depict what week I'll tackle each step and keep myself on track. 

It seems like when my fitness goals and spending begin to loose control my whole life feels like it's a wreck and in shambles, so I'm going to tackle this one goal at at time, starting with fitness, to energize myself for the coming challenges. 

Thursday, 2 January 2014

The Population Of The US Is Watching Girls Fail On Youtube #watchgirlsfail #likeagirl

4500 times more people are watching women fail than men. One day I was watching women fail and I thought, why are there so many links to "women fail" videos?

I took the first four search results for "girls fail" on YouTube and added the total and did the same for "boys fail" "women fail" and "men fail"

interest in girls failure: 124 271 870
interest in boys failure: 27 956

Interest in women' failure: 251 581 229
Interest in men' failure: 55 950


Female failure views: 375 853 099
Population of the US: 318 366 000    4.44% of the worlds population

Male failure views: 83 906
Population of Isle of Man: 84,497   0.0012%

The view count is a testament to the account, we all love to watch women fail.

A few of my other observations for you:

The word  "girl" is often used for adult women,

however, "boy" generally means adolescent male or younger. 

Why do both women and men get such enjoyment from watching women fail but there's little to no interest in watching "boys" fail

Here's a couple theories off the top of my head, maybe men have egos to fragile to watch other men fail and in some way feel the pain of the failure personally. It could be women more gracious in their failure or expected to fail and take teasing graciously.

Don't get me wrong, I grew up watching Americas Funniest Home Videos, failing is funny for sure. The funny borders on ugly when contrast between male and female failure is not taken with equal grace and lighthearted camaraderie, but becomes a mockery and jeer toward "the weaker sex" for their failure. On AFV there where men, women, children, and pets equally failing for laughs and for money.

So as a challenge give those searches a whirl on YouTube and see if yourself and if you haven't seen it yet, check out "Always Like A Girl" awesome video

#watchgirlsfail #likeagirl

Psycologists & Therapists Are On Staff To Ensure Quailty Content Entering Your Yome!

Is there shock, outrage, and censorship for display's of verbal abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, murder for all to see in the comfort of their living room?

Don't fool yourself into thinking there's a standard, there isn't. The majority of media has reduced it's roll of service to it's people to become simply an appeal to your wallet.

There is a vague attempt at serving you anything more than just entertainment with a possible moral pinned onto the end, meaningless, like an insincere apology.

These stories are not intended to enrich your life and make you a more competent whole person. Or to engage society in meaningful meditations about the kind of world we can create for each other. They are not meant to connect with your intellect and spirit to renew your mind.

Do you think there's psychologists and therapists on the writing team? (if your still wondering, yes, the title for this blog is satirical) If it where up to me every major movie production would be required to have a team with a minimum of 3 psychologists and 3 therapists. Would that be expensive for movies, um, yes.

But how much are we paying in fees to get counseling for the lies and distortions we've internalized from ingesting false ideas about the consequences for life's actions as depicted in the life stories we've grown up watching

And if you say, "what I watch doesn't change me" why do we protect our children from watching graphic content? Our minds are developing as well, and like our body is built on the foods we eat our mind is built on the thoughts we have.

If I am going through my day and see abuse in any form, verbal, physical, sexual, I hope that I will do anything I can to stop it, so why would I sit passive on the couch and watch it unfold in front of me. See abuse, stop abuse. If you see it, stop it, and I don't think that's limited to real life situations.

I have a bit of anger toward myself here, I was at the gym one evening running away on my treadmill when one of the screens started playing a grossly abusive scene, it was a woman's face with a knife to her throat clearly implying she was being raped. It was a full scene of this woman crying until it stops and she rolls over crying. And it just hit me that this was normal. Yes we regularly sit idle while graphic depictions of violence play out in front of us, every one in that room just let it happen, no outrage whatsoever. If I where back in that situation I would get off the treadmill go to the front counter and insist that the channel be changed. I will not be idle and watch violent displays real or dramatized.

If I ever see it in real life, I will do whatever I can to stop it, if I see it in any other circumstance I will have a consistent response. See abuse, stop abuse.

How do you feel about the morals displayed by characters in a recent show you've watched? Do you think it would be valuable to have the input of trained professionals in psychology and therapy regarding storytelling with a goal of personal formation and growth? Was this a coherent blog article?


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