In A Nutshell

As an ambitious 25 year old still figuring out parenting and my roll in the adult life I'm determined to get the most out of myself. Right now my main personal values are Challenge, Curiosity, Self-respect, and Belonging.

Every person has an inner voice telling them what they need, it says "wake up now" in the morning it says "don't eat that" when we're full. Growing up means learning that nobody can be that voice for you. You have to learn to hear it, and find the strength to listen over every other voice calling for your attention and telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing.

Saturday, 11 May 2013

The Tough Stuff

I sent Wade out of the house this evening, and this time it wasn't to prepare a surprise for him... when I get mad I shut down and want to be left alone to fume on my own a while. Brick wall mode.

If you run away from the things in life that are hard then you'll miss the opportunity they bring for growth. Life isn't about getting what you want, it's about developing character, and sometimes what you want is in the way of character growth. That's one of many reasons why I'm still trying.

This is Wade and I in 2004 when we where entering high-school (grade 10) and just became friends
I want a great relationship with Wade where we talk respectfully to each other and live in harmony even with our differences. Where we say yes more often than no to the small things, like close the door, or put the laundry in the dryer. In light of "be the change you want to see in the world" my end of the deal has room for improvement. Sometimes I throw up my hands and say ahg! Forget it. I get flustered and forget what I want from myself.

Looking at the long run I figure relationships are similar to a fruit tree seedling. Your going into a new relationship hoping for fruit but all you get is work. The seedling isn't ready to produce yet, it needs nurturing, but most of all it needs time. When I'm cutting an apple or a pear into slices for Wesley I take a look at the seeds and think of my relationship with Wade. So when I feel as though I'm the only one putting effort in to making this a good relationship, I tell myself it'll be worth it.

Another thing that keeps me going is good memories and my commitment to connectedness. I want to remain connected to myself, to the people in my life, family, and community, connected to nature, and connected to God. That's what I think spiritual health is all about, acknowledging and respecting our connectedness.
This was the last family photo we had taken in 2010. The families gone through some hard stuff that has put happy photo's on the backburner. Maybe if we started living life like everything is okay, things would start to become that way.

There's some broken connections in my life right now with a couple family members on both sides, and they're points that make my heart greived to think about and I'm sure they're draining some of the health out of my spirit in way's I can't messure or identify. I'm hoping there will come a point when I can get creative and courageous to find a way to bridge the divide, maybe I'll make that one of my goals.


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